My heart aches

My afternoon went as follows:

I picked up one of my girls who has been on my careload since I started as an intern at treehouse two years ago.  I have been through many ups and downs with her and seen her grow up, as well as seen her child grow up.  So as usual we loaded up the car seat and headed off to Burger King (what she craved while she was pregnant!)  As I sat and watched her interact with her son I couldn't help but think about all she has been through in her life.  She looks for love in all the wrong places.  All I want is for her to see how much the Lord loves her and that she is worthy of a love that will blow her socks off.  She portrays herself as an object and then gets her heart broken when the guys she dates only want her for her body.  She is such a wonderful girl but thinks of herself as nothing.  

I asked her what about being single makes her scared and she told me, "Nothing, I'm just afraid when I am single that I will sleep with multiple guys at a time.. at least when I have a boyfriend I'm only with one guy." 

However, that has lead her to 18 years of pure hell and heart ache. I told her she does not deserve to be treated like that and she didn't agree. She said this is the only way she will every find someone to love her. 

This coming from a girl who has had two miscarriages, one abortion and a child. Her heart has been broken and shattered so many times that it is hard for me to see her whole again.  I pray that the Lord of All would come down and kiss the wounds on her heart. That she would find worth in God and not in men.  That she would see herself as worthy of the kind of love she was made for. 

please pray with me. 

Here I go, Here I go, Here I go AGAIN.

Hello everyone and welcome to my blog. I have never really kept a blog before so be patient with me! I am starting this just to keep you all updated on what is happening in the lives of my teens as well as in my own life. 

I have officially been back at TreeHouse for about a month and a half now and it has been great.  I have seen many of the girls whom I worked with last year that have basically grown into women. It is so great to witness them growing up.  Now that I am back I have almost a completely new care load of girls which has been great and hard at the same time.  

While I miss some of the girls I used to meet with, I know they are being taken care of by my co-worker Tami.  Also that means that I get to meet with a whole bunch of new girls and I love them already.  Some of the girls are harder than the others, but all of them are just struggling and I want to be there for them and help lead them to the Lord. 

I have entitled my blog "the long defeat" because that is the name of one of my favorite sara groves songs.  The lyrics of the song can say it so much better than I could ever!

"I have joined the long defeat 
that falling set in motion 
all my strength and energy 
are raindrops in the ocean 

so conditioned for the win 
to share in victor's stories 
but in the place of ambition's din 
I've heard of other glories 

I pray for an idea 
and a way I cannot see 
It's too heavy to carry 
and impossible to leave 

I can't just fight when I think I'll win 
that's the end of all belief 
and nothing has provoked it more 
than a possible defeat 

I pray for an idea 
and a way I cannot see 
It's too heavy to carry 
and impossible to leave 

We walk a while we sit and rest 
we lay it on the altar 
I won't pretend to know what's next 
but what I have I've offered 

I pray for a vision 
and a way I cannot see 
It's too heavy to carry 
and impossible to leave 

I pray for inspiration 
and a way I cannot see 
It's too heavy to carry 
and impossible to leave" sara groves