Disappear

It was almost 12:00 am on Saturday night and my phone rings. I usually have my phone turned off by this time, but I accidentally left it on. When I answered the phone I could hear the slight sniffles of one of my girls. The first thing she says is, "I have never wanted to disappear more than I do right now."

As I listened to her story I couldn't help but get emotional. She has had such a hard life. With an alcoholic mom and a pot head dad she hasn't had much of a chance. Her parents split up when she was very little and her mother was still using drugs. She and her siblings have been shuffled around from house to house, eventually ending up with their father. All of the kids have anger problems, so things can get pretty heated at their house. Often they will end up saying something to their dad, and he then responds with a phrase such as, "I wish you were never born."

Earlier this fall her older sister gave birth to a baby, and the baby was so sick that she ended up passing away. And now she finds out her father is having another baby. With his girlfriend, whom all the children dislike.

She said, "I'm f***ing mad at God. Why would he do this to me? Why would he take away my sisters baby, and give one to my dad and his girlfriend who are high as a f***ing kite?"

I wish I had a good answer for her, but I don't. Some things in this world are so hard for me to believe. I do not believe that God "caused" this to happen to this sweet girl. I do believe however that He is with her in the midst of this. Though it is ever so hard to see, I know God is there. This girl told me later the next day that she was going to be praying for her dad because he is so messed up. She also said the only thing she can find comfort in during times like these is Psalm 88. If you get a chance to read it, it is a very dark psalm. David is crying out to God and feels like God isn't there. She finds comfort that even people in the bible feel scared and alone sometimes.

I am so impressed with her that even in her darkest moments, when she wants to literally hurt her father, she can still find it in her to pray for him. She has struggled with anger her whole life, so we try to really encourage her when she chooses to break that cycle.

Keep this girl in your thoughts and prayers this week. She needs all the strength she can get!