Kare 11 Teen Pregnancy Interview

Minnesota Department of Health, 4,944 babies were born to teen mothers in 2008.

And while the number of teens getting pregnant has not changed dramatically in the last decade, the reason for their decision to become pregnant has.

Julie Nelson recently sat down with a group of young girls who are about to become mothers or who already are. The girls range in age from 16 to 20 years old. Most of them come from single parent homes where they say their parents just are not involved. And, the vast majority of the girls have no relationship with their baby's father. But what they all have in common is that they all believed having a baby would make them happy.

Their Stories:

It's after school on a Wednesday, and Sandie, like millions of other teenagers is checking Facebook.

"I'm looking at prom pictures," said Sandie.

And, like other teens, she's talking about college.

"I'm waiting to hear from Bethel (University)," added Sandie.

Sandie received a composite score of 23 on her ACT tests. That is higher than the nationwide average of 21.1. But in the last few weeks, Sandie who is 17 years old, has something more urgent than college to prepare for. She is about to have a baby.

A few weeks ago, she heard the baby's heartbeat.

"I was happy. I was like, 'oh, it's real!'" Sandie exclaimed.

When Sandie found out she was pregnant, three months ago, she did not react with sadness or even disappointment. For her, having a baby did not create a problem, it solved one.

"I don't think a baby would hurt me the way other people have... I definitely felt like I would have unconditional love for real," Sandie explained.

For many of us, the idea of a teenager wanting to have a baby is hard to imagine.

"I think they're searching for love. There is this hole inside of them that isn't being filled," said Wayne Thyren, and others who work at the non-profit agency TreeHouse, say it is becoming a familiar trend.

TreeHouse reaches out to at-risk kids in the Twin Cities suburbs. A number of years ago, they started noticing a shift, not in the number of teens getting pregnant, but in the reason they were.

LIVE WEB CHAT: TreeHouse answers teen pregnancy questions Friday, May 14 10 a.m.-5 p.m.

"When they're first thinking about it it's the solution to the problem of being lonely," explained Jill Walker of Treehouse.

KARE 11 talked with nine young women, including Sandie, whom TreeHouse is serving. All of them either became or are about to become teen mothers. And, all of them, though they say they did not become pregnant on purpose, believed having a baby would be a good thing.

"Because what would a baby mean?" I asked.

"It would stick by you," said Tia.

"It would give you that love that you're not getting from nobody else," added Des.

"For me, a lack of my mom, she wasn't a great person to me, and never has been. I think I could fill that with a child, and prove to my child that I can be better than her," said Lacy.

"I felt alone. So, I just was like, I think I could have a baby and a love a baby and will love me back. So, then I wouldn't have to worry about someone else loving me," said Sandie.

"We see a lot of survival kids, survival mode kids. They don't have the network, the resources, the support. They're sort of latch key kids, and then some," said Walker.

The counselors say the kids are looking for a way to stop the pain now.

"Parents may not believe this, (those) who have a troubled teenager, but they (the teens) don't get up in the morning and say, "How can I mess up my life?' They get up in the morning and say, 'How can I figure out my life? My life is a mess. I need to figure it out.' In the process of trying to figure it out, when there isn't anyone else around, they turn to drugs, sex, having a baby, as answers to problems then have," explained Thyren.

Of course, the reality of teen pregnancy is quite different. According to The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy only 40 percent of teens who have a baby at age 17 or earlier finish high school, which means they most likely have fewer opportunities and earn less money the rest of their lives.

The girls we talked with realized all of this too late.

"Oh, I cry constantly," said Lacy.

"I'm eight months (pregnant) now, and I'm about to have my son, and it's terrifying. It's not the solution that I wish I would have chosen," added Des.

"It's hard. Sometimes you just break down and just cry," said Victoria.

"I think it's especially sad for some of the young ladies who really did have some goals for themselves, but once this event happens in their lives, this really changes their lives forever. That just doesn't go away. And, again, what they thought was going to be the answer just doesn't turn out that way," Thyren explained.

"I would tell anybody to wait, wait as long as you can. It's hard," Tia warned.

"I feel like I'm old, but I'm still living as a teenager, but I feel like I'm just old. I've just been through so much. I'm just old. It's hard," added Des.

What's your well story?

I was in charge of speaking for spring retreat this year, and let me tell you.. I was very nervous. That means I was in charge of four talks through out the weekend. Granted that was my only task for the weekend, but I was still very nervous.

I ended up speaking on the woman at the well. She was a woman with a past and everyone knew it. However when Jesus met her, he did not condemn her for her past or call her names (as many had done) he simply loved her and compelled her to be different. Through out the weekend I asked the youth to write out their own well story and at the end of the weekend they were encouraged to share them with the group.

Many of our youth at treehouse have pasts. Some of them have been in jail, have been addicted to drugs, have been molested or raped, or just been really hurt. And the wonderful news is that God meets them where they are at, and wants to heal their hearts. The whole weekend I wanted to really drive in the fact that when they accept the reality of their situations and are honest with what they have done or have had done to them, they will be able to heal and move on. I'm not sure if that happened or not, but I pray it did! When it was time for the youth to share their well stories, I was nervous that no one would get up. However, I heard four accounts of youth who have been stuck in different situations in life and who want to change, and who are asking for God's help! I was so proud of them for sharing in front of the group. Of course I cried, and cheered.

The coolest part of it all is that we as TreeHouse staff get to run alongside these youth now as they start to be honest and begin to heal. I feel so privileged that these kids would share their inner most thoughts and fears with us. What a great job you all allow me to have.

Thanks for reading and encouraging me!

here is the spoken word of the woman at the well. This is kind of what our youth performed on the last day.

van stats!

As I was driving to do rides for TreeHouse this week, I looked out at the hood of our mini van and smoke was billowing out! I pulled over and had to have another TH van pick me up! So for the first time in a long time I got to ride in the back of a van and have conversations with the youth in my van. There were only 10 kids in the van and as I was looking around I was seeing the diversity, beauty and brokenness of each of them.

7 of them come from one parent families or families of divorce.

3 of them have parents in jail.

2 of them have been raped or molested.

8 of them struggle in school and feel un-heard.

5 different races were represented.

2 of them have father's who are actively involved in the gang system.

1 has been in jail.

5 have been physically abused by their parents.

1 is not from America.

2 have been pregnant.

All of them want to be loved!

Thank you for helping me love on these incredible and beautiful youth!

"I have no more tears to cry."

I just started mentoring a new girl at TreeHouse. She is a senior in high school and one of the most open and honest people I have ever met. She has had some life experiences that have made her very cold and hard towards the world. She has no patience for people and doesn't want fake relationships.

On my second time meeting her she retold me of the extensive abuse she endured as a child. Things that would have haunted me forever, but she simply said, "I have no more tears to cry." As she was telling me about this I just kept on praying. God, be with her, heal her heart, show her she is worth more, help me listen, help me love.

It's hard for me to image what must have happened to her for her to say she has no more tears to cry. It is amazing to me that she continues to reach out to God and want a relationship with him. She is turned off from most people, relationships, sex and love, but she still loves God. That is amazing to me.

She answers any question I have for her and always welcomes advise. She is on track to graduate high school this year which means I will only get to mentor her through the end of this summer. I really hope that our relationship will continue to grow and that she will be impacted by the ministry at TreeHouse.

Teen Pregnancy

8 girls at our TreeHouse are either pregnant, or have a baby under a year and a half. Is it something in the water?

I am so frustrated with how unfair this is, and how unsafe these "kids" are being! I feel like I could talk to these girls day in and day out about sex. How not having it is the PERFECT birth control. And if they can't go on that path, that they NEED to be using birth control.

But some of these girls got pregnant on purpose. They see a baby as someone who will love them unconditionally.. but what they don't realize is that as the parent, you are in charge of loving them unconditionally.

As I step back and look at these girls and their family situations, many of these girls do not have fathers who are actively involved in their lives. And many of their mothers spend more time yelling at them and telling them what a waste of space they are, than loving them. Their parents are not loving them unconditionally. For some of them, their parents are not loving them at all. Having a baby often looks like having someone to love you. But being a parent means giving a lot more than receiving. I can think of countless times of me not giving my parents the recognition or love that they deserved, and them still loving me in return. These girls don't have parents like mine, so it is no wonder they see a baby as a way to fix their lives.

At this point what can I do? Giving up your baby for adoption is seen as a weakness with in these teenagers culture. The one girl who did give up her baby for adoption gets a bad wrap for it all the time.

I look up to her for her strength.

So my only option is to try and support these girls and reinforce that they are lovable, capable and worthwhile. That they are not alone, and that I will love them no matter what. Maybe my unconditional love for these girls will one day make and impact in their lives.

As always, please join me in prayer for these girls, for their children, and for their families.

peace to you. thanks for reading.

heather

Disappear

It was almost 12:00 am on Saturday night and my phone rings. I usually have my phone turned off by this time, but I accidentally left it on. When I answered the phone I could hear the slight sniffles of one of my girls. The first thing she says is, "I have never wanted to disappear more than I do right now."

As I listened to her story I couldn't help but get emotional. She has had such a hard life. With an alcoholic mom and a pot head dad she hasn't had much of a chance. Her parents split up when she was very little and her mother was still using drugs. She and her siblings have been shuffled around from house to house, eventually ending up with their father. All of the kids have anger problems, so things can get pretty heated at their house. Often they will end up saying something to their dad, and he then responds with a phrase such as, "I wish you were never born."

Earlier this fall her older sister gave birth to a baby, and the baby was so sick that she ended up passing away. And now she finds out her father is having another baby. With his girlfriend, whom all the children dislike.

She said, "I'm f***ing mad at God. Why would he do this to me? Why would he take away my sisters baby, and give one to my dad and his girlfriend who are high as a f***ing kite?"

I wish I had a good answer for her, but I don't. Some things in this world are so hard for me to believe. I do not believe that God "caused" this to happen to this sweet girl. I do believe however that He is with her in the midst of this. Though it is ever so hard to see, I know God is there. This girl told me later the next day that she was going to be praying for her dad because he is so messed up. She also said the only thing she can find comfort in during times like these is Psalm 88. If you get a chance to read it, it is a very dark psalm. David is crying out to God and feels like God isn't there. She finds comfort that even people in the bible feel scared and alone sometimes.

I am so impressed with her that even in her darkest moments, when she wants to literally hurt her father, she can still find it in her to pray for him. She has struggled with anger her whole life, so we try to really encourage her when she chooses to break that cycle.

Keep this girl in your thoughts and prayers this week. She needs all the strength she can get!

Girls ALL NIGHTER!

This past week Tami and I took 10 jr. high and high school girls on an all nighter! We left after treehouse got over on Thursday night and headed straight up to Brooklyn Park to the Brunzwick Zone. There we got to bowl for an hour and then play some LAZER TAG.

I came in 2nd in lazer tag, I might add!

After that we headed over to Applebees for some half priced apps and soda. Of course the kids didn't have school on Friday, so they felt sooooo cool going to a restaurant at midnight! Once we had had our fill of chips, salsa, chicken wings and coke, we headed back to my house for the night. The girls, much to my surprise just wanted to go to bed! So we ended up watching a movie and most of them just fell right asleep. Probably because many of them were in junior high and still have bed times!

The next morning Tami and I got up and made some chocolate chip pancakes and we had a family meal together! It was so great to see these girls who absolutely do not associate at school, come together and have a great time. We didn't have a specific purpose for this retreat, other than bringing a group of girls together who don't necessarily associate outside of school. I don't know if that has helped build any bridges between girls, but I do know that they had a great time!